Hog the Friend Pt 2: The Reply

Yeah. Ok. No I'm not going to apologise.


You never received our carefully planned, detailed itinerary,
because it never existed.


We're so incredibly, incredibly mean, baby eatin mean. You might
want to take the bugs out of your house. We even had a book called
movements of shirley where we could track where you were going to be
at all times, thanks to triangulation - using an implant we had our
alien friends insert in your brain. Who's a big mean man. Who's a
big mean man. I am. We also put sleeping pills in your food. And
used horoscopes in a negative way to coordinate our social events
with times you would not be able to socialise, we used suburban
fenshui, so our energies would go in opposite directions. And in
your absence we all had wild orgies, with beer and wine, and 5
cheese fondue, we built sculptures from chocolate, and walked on
rosepetals in rooms made of gold while trained monkeys bowed to our
every whim (and believe me - I mean "every" - those dirty little
monkeys). We had Seances with God, and we took the roof off our
house so we could sunbake inside and then we used a mobile weather
polarisation unit to keep the rain away. We're all so Goddam mean,
sometimes I want to kill those cats stuck in the trees in the last
segment of the news - I'm so mean. There were many many many players
in this conspiracy, I commend you for uncovering it.


Take some responsibilty for yourself.


Boris